Woke up crying today. Second time ever, the first when I was around 4, after watching Jurassic Park. In the dream I caved in and checked your wordpress and instagram because I missed you. The search bar wouldn't let me type your address. When I did, I saw the hits, all pictures of smiling you, of bouquets, of the perfume you used weeks before I found out, which was probably when you started. Half-awake, I started palpitating and sobbing, and I woke up with my face locked in a frown. But as I gained my consciousness back, the pain and sadness were still there, albeit a fraction than in the dream, but I kept telling me it was okay, it's only a dream, you're gonna be fine, there's nothing you can do about that, that's how it is. Hurt, but consoled. Now it's almost 2 and I'm having second thoughts about sleeping. Yesterday the dream was me fighting so many people. They just kept coming at me, and I was getting overwhelmed but I kept fighting and fighting until I woke up. Dinner with Karla helped, the ice cream too. A minute at a time. Deep breaths. In the future, I will tell my problems: "I've gone through worse."