I hate this. I just hate this stupid feeling inside. I have loved(I'm still loving), and I was obviously rejected. Then at the moment that you are, there is that stupid, inevitable, crappy feeling inside your heart telling you that you still have a chance at her. Have a chance? Goddamn it, but I was rejected even before I asked her out, and my effing heart, or my brain is telling me that I can still love her. Sure I can, I'll always, but the way I will, in any way, may never be the same.
That's why I'm afraid. I've shut myself to the world, confining my heart, not mind, to everything around. No one will notice anyway, because I'm unimportant. I'm correct, aren't I? There has been no one to care for me since I was born, except my parents, and it is just too boring. It is too monotonous to be loved by the same thing, and being a recluse to the love of others. That's why I write. I'm hurt, can't you see? CAN'T YOU SEE? I'm sure no one has, because they never had the time to notice someone unimportant.
But still I love, and I just don't know why. Sometimes, though these sometimes will never be granted anyway, I just wish that she'd love me. Please love me, just a wink, a smile, just a glance. See, sometimes is such an appropriate word for someone like me, unimportant. But she didn't listen, she never did. All I recieved from her now was a poem, a pass to my heart, entitled "Thy Lady's Plea". And as I read it, all I could do was cry inside. She was telling me to STOP loving her. The minute I got home after reading that, I just cried. Not for myself, that she does not want me (She never did), but I cried for her. The tears I have shed are for her, that she may indeed be enlightened of the ways of love.
How could someone even tell another person to stop loving? Is it because she does not need me? Or is it because I am a threat to her and her bf? So that means she loved me? Did she ever? Diba, it feels good to be in love. It also feels good to be unloved, did you know that? I think you don't, you've never been rejected anyway.
I'm talking to you.
Yes, you.
Help me.
3 comments:
"to give and not to count the cost..." -st ignatius of loyola
that means you should love without expecting to be loved back.
i know that's hard...
i dont really know what she has written for you. but you have to let go somehow.... it's the only way to HEAL.
accept things. dont feel unimportant. i know it's just too easy to say that but i know you'll get through it. ikaw pa! ;)
good luck ramon.
i think it's time to leave her picture behind. and start walking on your journey now.Ü
somehow i cannot relate to some people who have been hurt because they loved and wasnt loved back.
i do not know if i were in love in the past or whatever..but i think i felt the same way before..it hurts but im sure it'll come to pass..
:D
ambot nimo ramon!
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